Why is this happening again???

WHY? WHY? WHY? Why do you have to give me hope and take that joy away again? About 3 weeks ago... I realized that I was expecting, I was overjoyed. DH was away for business trip and I told him the good news. He was so happy as we had been waiting for this for almost 2 years since the last miscarriage...

Things ain't as smooth as we would pray for... I had cramps and spotting, called the doctor's office but as usual, they asked me to wait as it's too early. I did a blood test and it shows positive. Happy and I tried to rest as much as possible and so far have bled once since then. I was praying for the best this time round but it just didn't work out. I can tell you, as I'm trying to write this, my tears can't stop rolling down. I can't believe that it's happening to us again! I'm really angry and becoming very bitter with myself. I'm devastated and feel like knife is stabbing me... it's so painful... really very painful!

DH is away in China this week and will only be back tomorrow. I had an appointment this morning with the gynae as I had spotting and cramps during the last week. I was asked to do a few HCG blood test to see if it's doubling. The clinic called and told me the results... it's low and it's a sign of miscarriage. I was asked to wait for it to happen naturally in the next few weeks. I'm wordless and burst into tear once off the phone. I sent a sms to DH (on his way to the airport) but still can't believe that it happened to us again! I can't imagine how DH is going to handle this... He had always wanted another child but things just ain't right for us.

DH called just a few minutes ago.... I can tell that he is as devastating as I am or might be even more than me. We are going through this painful moment again...
Dear GOD, pls help us! Pls heal us as we go through another traumatic lost. Pray also for my little angel...and Matthew who knew the existence of the "baby" comforting me, asking me not to cry because he is here. Isn't he such a wonderful child, shouldn't I be contended with just Matthew??